Why can’t I let you go? How to break a traumatic bond

Our ability to bond with significant people is formed from birth. Our temperament plays an important role, as does the behavior of those who cared for us in childhood. When attachment is healthy, it gives us a sense of security, self-confidence, and joy from close relationships. However, if the relationships with parents were unsafe, wounds remain in the soul - fear of abandonment, feelings of inadequacy, distrust, and anxiety. These early experiences become the foundation of how we see ourselves, others, and the world around us. If there was little love and care in childhood, it distorts our perception of intimacy in adulthood. We unconsciously repeat familiar, albeit painful, scenarios, as if returning to what we have already experienced.

In childhood, we had neither the strength nor the right to change what was happening. We were completely dependent on those who shaped our perception of ourselves and the world. But as we grow older, we gain the ability to influence our lives. Consciously or unconsciously, we try to regain control in order to return to the same scenario, choosing partners similar to those who once hurt us. And every time we hope that this time everything will be different - we think we can fix everything and make our corrections to this pattern. As adults, we may feel that we desperately need this person. We feel the familiar excitement - butterflies in our stomach - and take it for love. We are drawn to where pain has already settled, and we go around in circles again and again: anxiety, hope, resentment, reconciliation. This is the repetition of old trauma. We choose similar people because we believe we deserve only such love or hope that this time we will finally be noticed, accepted, and truly loved. Perhaps you have already begun to realize that you are seeking a specific type of partner. Or you are just starting to understand that you are unconsciously reproducing situations reminiscent of your childhood trauma. In any case, you keep returning to where this pain lives, and do not allow your old wounds to heal.

This book will allow you to rewrite the old script and start a new harmonious life.