At the End of the Line

“Those of us who love this way, without safety nets, taking risks, suffer more, but they also experience more happiness.”

Dear friend, partner… beloved?

I have never had the fear of falling. Up there, where the city is visible as if on the palm of my hand, I feel a confidence that is hard for me to experience on the ground. I feel power over my own life.

But as soon as I descend, fear grips me, the inevitability consumes me, doubts overwhelm me. Fear of illness. The inevitability of the future. And doubts: do I have the right to let him into my life when I know I could condemn him to suffering?