Я стою у ресторана: замуж - поздно, сдохнуть - рано

I immediately crunched it between my teeth... In an instant, there was nothing left of me, just a skeleton, gnawed by love. Ha-ha-ha! Oh, how I fell in love back then! To death! At nine, I fell in love with the janitor, he had such a beautiful broom. At ten - with a high school girl from the older class, she had incredibly beautiful ashy hair! Then I fell in love in turn with all my teachers and even with the old man, the math teacher, as if he were Mazepa. He had beautiful wrinkles... I fell in love with Sasha immediately!.... I met him at GITIS. He was a graduate, working in the admissions committee. And that year I failed... And when he deigned to invite me... No, Marisha, "to the movies" — he did not honor me. He invited me—right to the dacha... I was a girl! A crazy, unscared girl. But I immediately decided.... This is a story of Love and Hate. What is this terrible feeling? What does it feed on? What soil does it grow in? What does it do to people and their feelings and thoughts?