Titmouse's Nest

A novel-illusion in which reality, genuine and imaginary memories engage the reader in a strange game. The protagonist, in an attempt to give meaning to an obsessive scene from childhood that literally separates him from oblivion, ventures deep into the labyrinth of the past. Attempts to recreate events from his life will lead him into a shaky world of symbols, where reality is inseparable from fantasies, and fantasies from dreams, news, advertising, and millions of pages on social networks.

Memory deftly shuffles the cards, presenting me in both better and worse lights relative to reality. A small scar on the girl’s forehead instills trust and deep respect, and none of us, not wanting to seem foolish, asks what her phrase means. As usual, we nod, as if it is so obvious that the only thing missing from this thought was to be voiced aloud. Then follows a significant silence during which a disobedient light brown strand, having escaped from an uncombed bob, slides across the freckles on her nose; the strand laughs, the girl laughs, and with a flourish throws the nest far away. She does this over and over again, and I, returning to that moment, understand nothing and cannot break free from the confines of what I’ve seen and done. I crawl again along the ground beside a low wooden fence, along a living hedge, past all the rowan bushes on the planet, crawling for a long time, until my knees wear down to the state of some rags, but I cannot stop because I have already crawled, and that means I cannot do otherwise.

Only an irresistible yearning for love will prevent him from surrendering, despite the external barriers in the form of the pathologist where he will find himself on the table. However, even here, everything will turn out to be not so straightforward. Each chapter of the novel strives for independence, and at the same time, together they form a single canvas.

How strange that I was cut into pieces in the first place. Is that how it's done? Is there any necessity for this from the procedural standpoint? Or was the main goal simply to obstruct my integrity? In that case, the executor (?) overlooked something: what if I exhibit unprecedented regeneration abilities, and from the halves and quarters of me whole personalities grow, scattering my "I" across the world like a flock of sheep in wolf’s skins?