Get Me Out of Here! Don't Open This Book!

HELLO, MEATY WRETCH! I have a little problem. I need to give the coolest gift to my great-great-great-grandmother Bratilda for the NIGHTRIPPING HOLIDAY. Maybe you have some ideas in your sausage-chewing machine? Just don't suggest any electronic junk from your world! I knew you wouldn't have any ideas. I'll have to resort to MAGIC and embark on an incredible quest into the DEEPEST DEPTHS OF THE UNDERWORLD… What are you croaking about? Want to join me? I wouldn't mind a companion, you never know what might happen… Just don't be a coward and don't ask to go home! I'll be waiting for you on the first page (reading the title is not necessary) – let's prepare for the holiday so that there will be ENOUGH MEMORIES FOR A WHOLE YEAR!